How is it really to live abroad for a month?
Including the good, the bad and the lovely
Spring is slowly awakening in Lisbon. I am sitting on the grass in my new favourite park, just 5 minutes away from my Airbnb. The park is named ‘Estrela’ meaning star in Portuguese, and I think that it would be lovely to watch the night sky here as well indeed.
But right now I am enjoying the sun on my face, pleasantly combined with the sounds of dogs and kids running around.
Next to the colourful oranges hanging in the tree, almost waiting to be picked. Strolling tourists taking selfies with giant cactuses and palm trees. I see old Portuguese men lost in the books they are reading, only occasionally looking up when a beautiful girl is passing by.
Lisbon is more than I could imagine. There is a lovely combination of cheap and good food, beautiful green parks and the beach is just a short and cheap train ride away. It is no surprise that an enormous group of digital nomads want to settle exactly here, like a group of birds finding their nesting place after months of flying. All trying to create their perfect lifestyle — just like myself.
Long ago I created a Pinterest board with the telling headline “my dream life”. Now, years and hundreds of saved photos later, the board is full of dreamy photos of healthy meals, surfboards, friends playing the guitar at the beach, travels and stacks of books. How clichéd.
Flash forward to today. My most recent photos would perfectly fit in. My life currently exists of everything I envisioned. Like drinking cappuccinos, visiting bookstores, surfing and watching sunsets. For everyone out there doubting, it is possible to make your Pinterest board come to life.
The less positive side
Social media started two decennia ago with the promise to enable friendships across the globe. And thanks to the internet it did — it became possible to contact someone from Ghana, Italy or Australia within just a few seconds.
However, over the years social media transformed into a personal branding tool rather than forming global meaningful connections. Social media anno now is about portraying a too perfect view of your life and body. Resulting in online bikini influencers, unrealistic photoshopped ideals and an online comparison machine that undoubtedly leads to more depression and loneliness. The exact opposite of what it was created for in the first place. What a world to live in.
I am guilty too — my recent Instagram posts have been almost too perfect. So, this blog is my aim to be fully honest about how I feel about my first few weeks in Portugal.
1. You are not at home
Despite having Whatsapp, Facebook and the ability to make a phone call whenever we want, we have to be honest — you are less connected with everyone at home. In just these few weeks I missed the birthday of one of my closest friends and the farewell lunch of a close colleague. Most importantly I could not cheer on my mum when she was making her debut in the marathon at the age of 57 — the badass. My calls and support videos were probably nice, but do not even come close to cheering her forward in real life.
2. You feel alone
My ideal day includes laying down in this park, reading a book and drinking a takeaway cappuccino. I love being alone and zoned out. And luckily there is not much needed to do so.
However, I also do love deep conversations about life, about deep unfulfilled passions, about the differences between Western and Eastern philosophy, about human behaviour and all the crazy stuff that is going on in the world, about the metaverse, Gen Z and about why dogs and figs are so amazing.
And having good conversations is a lot harder when you are alone. I hear you thinking, just start some chit-chats with the people sitting around you. But that requires courage and effort. Why would I drop my introverted character and say hi to some complete strangers when I do not know if I will like them?
Sometimes I wish I was a bit more like my Airbnb-mate Josh. Josh seems to know everyone within Lisbon. He knows the names and gets recognized by the owners of restaurants, the guys collecting the garbage and the tourists from Japan, Belgium and Brazil. The remarkable thing is that Josh is not living in Lisbon — in fact, he just arrived last week. Josh is just really good at talking to everyone he bumps into.
I do my best to challenge my inner Josh and talk to waiters, roommates and street musicians. It is pleasant — and also too often too short, too superficial and too uncomfortable.
I am not stupid. I know that friendships grow over time and are formed as a consequence of shared interests and values. We like people that are like us. I am not an extrovert like Josh, I do not fancy drinking nor clubbing till 7 in the morning and I do not want to know everyone.
If you are somewhere longer than a month, you will meet your people in the places you like to visit. Like the park, like your favourite lunch cafe. I will be surrounded by people that are as crazy as I am — caring too much about organic healthy food and do not mind paying way too much money for it.
3. You feel doubt
I am indescribably grateful to be able to do these kinds of trips. If you would have told me two years ago that I would be able to travel to Florence, Nice, Barcelona and Lisbon, to the sun, to these historic-artistic cities, combining it with working and drinking coffee, I would have signed up without a doubt.
But do I not enjoy life too much? Others are starting businesses, while I am reading books in the Portuguese sun. Others invest while I am watching dogs and others get promotion after promotion while I am trying to not fall while surfing.
I feel an enormous calmness and happiness, but also a lack of ambition. Contradicting what the internet is telling us to do. My life does not include an 80-hours workweek and a grinding mindset, no self-improvement, no bigger purpose to change the entire world or leave a legacy. I am just reading books with sunglasses on.
I know that these are first-world problems. I know that I am allowed to enjoy life. I know that grinding and an enormous work ethic is more part of a toxic than a healthy ideal. Truth is, a sense of contribution makes us happier and more fulfilled. And my contribution — besides supporting local coffee shops — is currently fairly limited.
Contribution does not have to go hand in hand with a toxic workload or a bigger-than-life purpose. We just want to feel that we are spending our time in a meaningful way— and contributing to something besides ourselves.
I look to the right, two Spanish-speaking students start to unpack their bags full of painting attributes. Brushes, a cup they fill with water, canvasses, paint and more. While I am writing in this notebook, they start to patiently paint the scenery in front of us. It makes me smile.
Maybe the brain dump I am writing down right now makes someone else smile, or makes them dream to travel to the locations of their own Pinterest board. Or maybe it encourages them to share more than just perfect pictures online. Or maybe none of it all.
I am allowing myself to enjoy the artistic vibe of the city, the flat whites and croissants, the smiling grandpa’s, the second-hand bookstores, the sounds of the ocean and the kids playing football pretending they are the next Cristiano Ronaldo.
And I am going to try to say hi to strangers a little bit more often. Just a little bit.
Bom dia!
Jeroen
