How to get rid of that negative voice in the back of your head
3 practical techniques that can help you overcome your limiting beliefs
“He who says he can and he who says he can’t, are both usually right”. — Confucius
Today, I want to share with you what I know about limiting beliefs. I actively try to overcome doubts and insecurities, and would love to share three simple techniques that can help you overcome yours. Get ready to get rid of that negative chatter in your head.
But first, what is a belief?
A belief is a thought we think time after time after time. It is like a thinking habit. And when have this thought so often it becomes ingrained in our minds and we consider it as the truth.
Well, this is not that bad when we only have positive and uplifting beliefs about, for example, our confidence, competence and resiliency. Positive beliefs regarding how we are going to make our dreams come true and how amazing we look. However -unfortunately- lots of us also have a set of negative beliefs.
You probably know that annoying little voice in the back of your head that is whispering:
- I am not smart enough.
- Nobody likes me.
- I will never be good at presenting.
- I do not deserve it.
- I am always unlucky.
- I am too young.
- I am not good looking enough.
- I am already too old.
- I’m always the weird one.
Before I am going to explain my tips on how to overcome them, I have to explain where beliefs originate from. Every time you have a new thought, a belief will be formed. We are an ongoing meaning-making machine.
The first time you have a thought, it will be really fragile, not a very convincing belief yet. But the more we have this thought, the stronger the connection in our brains will become. Until we do it on auto-pilot, and a new belief is born.
The stupid thing about beliefs is that they do not necessarily have to be true, but your mind does not give a damn about that. Our brain wants to spill the least amount of energy and will have a preference for reinforcing the connections that we have already created.
However, now we also know how to overcome them. We have to clean the meanings we have given to our thoughts and prevent our minds from attaching negative meanings to events in the future.
So, let’s go!
Clean the Past
Most beliefs will be created in your youth simply because you get the highest number of new experiences. Some beliefs we form as a 5-years old can be maintained for decades to come. I will give a personal example from when I was 18 years of age.
I was, at the time, working at a marketing company in Rotterdam, my home town. I was the youngest of all, a bit timid and had to do some chores every now and then. Also then, on a summer day in June. My manager walked up to me and asks me to collect a special VR system from the other side of the country. Small detail: I had my driver’s license for just 3 weeks. Consequence: I started the car, slowly drove backwards and *kaboom*, hit something. Everyone was watching, my manager’s car was damaged. And everyone had seen it. I was shocked.
I still drove to collect the parcel and the company was paying for all the reparation costs. But this single incident resulted in a long-lasting fear for the next 6 years.
This explosion of emotion, including a negative meaning, had led to a limiting belief. I was not able to drive.
I always tried to forgive myself, “I was young, insecure, not really skilled yet, it could happen”. But that never really worked. But now I know the theory behind limiting beliefs, I tried another approach.
I had to go back to the specific emotion I felt and change the negative emotion into a positive one.
And I found one. The fact that my manager at the time, after I had hit a pole, still had enough trust in me to let me drive his car to the other side of the country, is remarkable. I honestly think it is one of the moments I feel most grateful for.
Cleaning up your past. Done. Next.
Change the Future
Let’s look forward. Maybe even more important than your past is your future. Since preventing is better than cure.
It does not mean everything has to be positive, sometimes you feel negative emotions like pain, sadness or loss. I believe you should allow yourself to feel those. But instead of dwelling in negativity, I would advise you to focus on the lessons you can learn. Trying to replace negativity with optimism or curiosity.
Some friends and colleagues consider it weird or fake, this optimism. I have to admit, sometimes it can feel a sort of forced. But I don’t care — if this prevents me from attaching negative emotions and future fears from originating.
Be Present in the Present
The hardest thing is to apply it in the present. It can be hard to stay optimistic when we lose our jobs, if a loved one passes away, or we are locked up in our houses.
The most effective tip I can give you is to be grateful. It helped me to start a gratitude journal and write down three small things I appreciate each day.
Remember, you do not have to be happy all the time. The only goal is to reduce the number of negative feelings, which also reduces the cleaning work you have to do later. To me, that is worth the 10 daily minutes of positivity.
I hope it helps. We could use some courageous people right now, people who dare to make a difference and change the world for the better. You will face a lot of naysayers, who do not believe in you or your dreams. So, make sure that little annoying voice in your head is on your side.
Big thank you to Roz Savage and Eric Edmeades for your wisdom.
