Jan 5, 2021
Why I Am Looking For A Co-Founder Instead Of A Girlfriend
Yep, this is indeed a strange title, but I really do love this subject.
Approximately a month ago, I started with writing on Medium, to find out I really love doing it. Today I will write about one of my favourite subjects. A subject that keeps me busy for a few months already now.
Relationships.
Connections.
Love.
This blog website consists of hundreds of blogs regarding important do and don’ts in relationships. I don’t exaggerate — within seconds you will find all kind of relationship advice regarding the importance of clear communication, affection, loyalty and respect.
And I agree, those are important. But I don’t think it is enough to maintain a long-lasting relationship. And within the following 600 words, I will try to explain why.
I am not a dating guru or a love expert. I am 26 and I had just one 5-year lasting relationship.
A relationship that seemed to go pretty well. We had shared values, attached great importance to equality and the environment. We appreciated the same activities and movies, had similar hobbies and loved the same kind of food and restaurants.
Not everything was perfect, especially I wasn’t. But we lived together, went on multiple vacations and even on a world trip.
I suppose you know what I am about to say.
Nope, it did not last — we broke up.
I was lost, felt terribly alone and did not know what to do. And above all, there was one single question that I struggled with for days, weeks or even months.
One single question that was continuously running through my mind: “How could I prevent this from happening the next time?”
Apart from not having a relationship and a house anymore, I also did not have a job. I had just graduated from a Technical University and I was searching for one. Luckily, being an engineer, I had enough options to choose from.
And that raised another question. Often, I sat alone in the attic of my parents’ house with lists of possible companies in front of me. From consultancies to design agencies, to corporates and big tech companies. I had to pick one.
But for what kind of company do I want to work for?
The most popular companies to work for at the moment are SpaceX and Tesla of Elon Musk. The biggest reason? Their missions. The smartest employees in the world want to work at a company which they feel they can contribute to a bigger mission. Where they can support the direction the company is heading. And then it hit me.
What if that would also work in a relationship?
A relationship would become way easier, if besides loyalty and clear communication, we also seek the same lifestyle, wouldn’t it?
A co-founder of your ideal life.
Just imagine that one of you wants to live the rest of their life surfing in Australia, while the other wants to live as a farmer in Canada. That would simply result in a lot of anger and fights over the years. Or one wants to compete at the Olympic Games and the other wants to start their own restaurant. It would definitely lead to conflicts.
Don’t get me wrong. Communication, affection, loyalty and respect are important. Four things I should have given more attention my previous relationships. However, I do feel that a shared life vision would make it easier and more fun!
There is a divorce ratio of over 50% in most European countries, meaning more than half of all marriages don’t end up happily ever after.
And that can happen. I am still surprised by how big the taboo on divorce is, even in the Western world. Let alone Asian countries.
“Until death does us part” is a beautiful endeavour, but things can change. We all have experiences that can change our lives forever. If you do not have the same values or life vision as your partner, I think divorce is way better than a life full of frustration.
Again, I am 26, I don’t have kids and I do not have enough experience to really have a well-established opinion. So, let’s move on.
Since there is one popular advice I do agree with: get to know yourself first, before going into a relationship. That sounds a bit clichéd and unrealistic, but now you understand why I agree.
It is important to know your values in life, your dreams and in what direction you want your life to evolve. You do not need a detailed masterplan or roadmap. Life never goes as planned. Just try to learn what excites you.
If you are already in a relationship, try to create a shared life vision. Discover your differences and what excites both of you, write it down and make it your shared North Star.
And if you are single, I dare you to post your life vision in your bio on Tinder or any other dating app. Nope, it isn’t a funny or cheesy pickup line and maybe doesn’t get you laid. But I believe it will possibly bring you something way better: a dreamlife co-founder.
